Could YOU Survive a Violent Attack?
“How the Sandy Hook Shooting Opened My Eyes to Some Important Educational Needs for Women Who Carry Concealed.”
founder, Modern Lady Defense
My ‘wake up moment’ came as I sat watching the news of the Sandy Hook school massacre unfold…
Naturally, I’d been in favor of concealed carry and responsible firearms ownership my entire life. But it wasn’t until the gruesome details of that particular shooting unfolded when it hit me like a truck:
I NEEDED TO GET SERIOUS ABOUT CONCEALED CARRY.
Why Sandy Hook? I was a school teacher, right at the beginning of my career. Every day, parents dropped their kids off, trusting them to my care. Trusting that we teachers and administrators would protect their children from fires… from bullies… from accidents… and from violence.
I was a young, smart, and confident woman. I always felt that I could take care of myself, mostly by avoiding the kinds of situations (and relationships) that usually turn violent. But the Sandy Hook shooting made me realize that the world is a dramatically different place than it was even ten years ago.
Clearly most women (and men) resort to denial. “It won’t happen to me.”
BUT: violence isn’t isolated any longer, and with the explosion of our culture and the destruction of self-respect and respect-for-women caused by everything from the rape culture… to designer drugs… to boys growing up on pornography, one can see why there’s never been a time of greater urgency for women to take responsibility for their own safety.
PISTOL = SIMPLE SOLUTION, RIGHT? NOT SO FAST….
I knew I wanted to carry concealed. But it felt harder than it needed to be. It felt like the concealed carry educators and trainers I came in contact with took a ‘one size fits all’ approach, and if you weren’t ‘one of them’, there was no room for you. I was not getting answers to my questions.
And often, I felt condescended toward. Not intentionally: most men in gun stores and at the range were eager to offer a helping hand and word of wisdom, but their suggestions made it clear that they didn’t think I was capable of as much as their male customers.
And yet: I knew that as a woman, I’m more likely to be the target of a violent crime than a man is. And then when this violence happens, it can be more vicious… more degrading… and more deadly than what a man will ever have to face.
I needed answers, and I needed advice and education and training that was tailored to women.
CONCEALED CARRY UNIVERSITY WAS NOT QUITE ENOUGH.
That was when my husband and I discovered Patrick Kilchermann’s education and instruction through CCU. Pat’s material gave my husband a feeling of total confidence with concealed carry – he felt that he had a road-map laid out for him from beginning to end. It helped me immensely as well:
It answered many of my questions about how and what and where to carry, my questions about the laws of concealed carry and self-defense, about the profiles of various threat types, and what sort of mindset we need to have if we’re going to carry weapons for self-defense.
BUT THERE WERE STILL MISSING PIECES
But even after going through CCU material, I knew there were still missing pieces. I still had questions, and as a professional educator who has studied psychology and women’s issues to great lengths, I knew that the entire premise of even CCU material was slanted toward men…
- This is what it looks like when a man is attacked.
- These are the reasons men are usually targeted.
- These are the locations where men are usually victimized.
- These are the best places on your body to carry if you’re a man.
- And on and on.
I SET OUT LOOKING FOR ANSWERS – AND FOUND THEM….
So, I hit the books, videos, professionals, and all other resources that were available to me. And absolutely: there are some incredible women in the field who have dedicated a lot of time to helping those of us looking to follow in their tracks.
But there were two problems…
For one thing, it took me forever to find good answers. As Pat says: most self-defense education doesn’t conform to ‘reality’, and this became painfully clear. At least 80% of what these experts talked about, I already knew just wasn’t true – or it was so inaccurate as to be dangerous!
THE BIGGEST PROBLEM WAS WHAT THEY DIDN’T SAY:
However, the most startling thing was what even the trustworthy resources didn’t talk about. Things that I knew were true, from my time as a psychology student and researcher of stats on violence against women.
They didn’t talk at all about some of my most pressing concerns, or what they mean or how the answers are affected for women specifically who carry concealed:
- What do antisocial and asocial threats look like when they are attacking women specifically?
- How can I use my gun to defend my children while still making sure they are safe from the gun itself?
- Are there specific things I should be watching out for when training situational awareness that men don’t need to worry about?
- How does domestic violence play into self-defense?
- Is it even possible for women to conceal a 9mm handgun in an effective carry position?
- Am I as legally justified to shoot someone who is trying to rape me as someone I am if someone is trying to kill me?
- Should I carry non-lethal tools, like pepper spray?
- I know what “disparity of force” means for men, but what does this mean for a woman who is attacked by a man?
I wholeheartedly rejected the unbelievable advice that women carry ‘rape whistles’, or condoms for their rapist, or that they should submit to their rapist and only beg for their lives. Suggestions like this were atrocious for me – I knew they were wrong – but there wasn’t much in the way of education on what strategies we should be taking instead.
WAS I CRAZY?
Was I the only one who thought these things were important? That was when I approached Patrick of Concealed Carry University. I scheduled a phone call and presented these concerns. To be honest, I wasn’t sure what he’d say. Part of me expected him to become defensive: my material is all anyone needs.
But instead, after a moment of silence, he said: “Amber, I think you’re dead on. In fact, I’ve been aware for quite some time that my material isn’t enough for women – but the fact is, I’m too uneducated on the female side of concealed carry to even fully understand what it’s lacking!”
Then he said: “Mrs. Ethington, I think that what you are describing is crucial and needs to get built. I would feel much more comfortable taking on the task of educating female students if there was a quick and simple resource that I could give them, which accomplishes what you’re talking about here.”
And he added: “And listen. I’ve been in this space for a long time. I can tell you that things move very slowly. If you don’t build this, I think it will be many years before it gets built. I think you should do it.”
WELL-BEHAVED WOMEN SELDOM MAKE HISTORY
That sounded like a tall order. I was already busy teaching at one of the premier private high schools in Texas… Teaching voice and singing lessons on the side… beginning to raise a young family that includes twins… but Pat was insistent: “Well, it’s like they say: if you want something done, ask the busiest person in the room! Good luck, Amber. I’m counting on you now, and I know there are a lot of female sheepdogs out there who will be mighty grateful.”
I knew the project would be a ton of work. I knew it would be grueling and exhausting. But in the end, I agreed with Pat. I love to teach, I’d already amassed quite a wide body of research, and I knew I could do it.
I ALSO KNEW I DIDN’T WANT TO BE A DEGRADED, VOICELESS VICTIM.
I knew I didn’t want to be someone who kneeled or stood helplessly by as people and children I felt responsible were ripped apart by a wolf.
I wanted to know beyond doubt that I was capable of doing the right thing in any situation I might find myself in.
And I wanted to know that I was receiving education and training specifically tailored for women – an education that would fill in the gaps found within all the resources I found that were “for men, by men”, whether they intended it or not.
In short: I wanted to develop a short, efficient educational piece that made for women, by a woman, that would be the perfect supplement to all the other fantastic training out there, like Patrick Kilchermann’s Concealed Carry University material.
This needed to exist. So, I got busy. That was almost two years ago.
And now, I’m simply ecstatic to present to you the finished product:
Introducing: The Modern Lady’s Guide to Armed Defense
The Modern Lady’s Guide to Armed Defense is a 3-hour education and training program designed specifically for women, but built in accordance with the Concealed Carry University principal of scientific, reality-based effective self-defense.
The fact of the matter is that nearly all concealed carry education and training is designed by men, for men. And this creates a lot of gaps for women who are striving to lead a safe and protected, pro-active, armed-lifestyle.
Patching these holes quickly and efficiently with training, and gear tactics tailored specifically to the pressing needs of a lady sheepdog is exactly what The Modern Lady’s Guide to Armed Defense is all about.
What will you learn in The Modern Lady’s Guide to Armed Defense
Here’s just a small sampling of what you’ll learn within my program:
- What it means to be a Modern Lady, and why this perspective alone makes us more powerful and confident.
- The differences between men and women physically, mentally and socially, and how this plays into attacks and defense.
- Why and How Situational Awareness skills must be practiced very differently for women and men.
- The natural female response to high stress – why this is a “must have” understanding for women preparing to use a weapon in self-defense.
- Basic pistol training maneuvers specific to women & advice on some of the most effective carry positions for women.
- Choosing a weapon – what women need to know before, during, and after the weapon selection process. (What you need to know and what you definitely don’t.)
- The mama bear instinct – what this is, how to leverage it, and how might it get us killed.
- Keeping children safe with guns, Assembling a first aid kit, What we need to understand about Abuse and avoiding “Mr. Wrong.”, basic maneuvers without a weapon, concealing a gun under feminine clothing, and much more.
My goal is that you’ll walk away from this experience with a renewed sense of motivation, direction, and confidence in your journey toward being a regularly and effectively armed female sheepdog.
It is also my goal that you’ll take a place at my side as I work to spread my mission of building as many modern ladies as possible…
DO I THINK YOU NEED THIS PROGRAM? by Patrick Kilchermann
When Mrs. Ethington approached me with a list of prudent criticisms for my flagship publication, the 20-hour ‘Complete Concealed Carry Guide’, and asked me to serve as a philosophical sounding-board for the development of an independent video-piece tailored specifically to the unique requirements of women who carry concealed, I was impressed with and humbled by what she had to say.
That said, I was also skeptical of her ability to execute and produce a work that would be cohesive and comprehensive, while maintaining the level of engagement necessary for imparting this kind of critical information to an audience that is frequently inhabited by busy professionals.
After 18 months of grueling work by Mrs. Ethington, I’m pleased to concede that her unique set of talents has allowed her to exceed my expectations and produce content that manages to meet my high standards for any submission into this realm of ‘Scientific, Reality-Based Effective Self-Defense’.
> How does violence against women differ from violence against men?
> How does the anatomy of the female brain differ from men, what what specific training and mindset modifications do female sheepdogs need to make, to ensure that they can act effectively in defense of their own life?
> When and where are women usually attacked? The answers are very surprising, even to me.
> WHO is usually responsible for the deaths and degradation of female victims? The answer to this question blew my mind.
> What are the Situational Awareness and Avoidance and De-Escalation implications of these startling differences in violence against women vs. men?
> What are the actual physical defensive handgun combat implications to these stunning revelations? How should women alter the ways they carry, and the ways they practice with their handguns?
Never before have I seen assembled such a clear and concise contribution to our cause on these particular issues, and I will also add:
‘The Modern Lady’s Guide to Armed Self-Defense’, in my opinion, does an effective job of mitigating the weaknesses of my own material, following Mrs. Ethington’s line of being created ‘by a woman, for women’. As an instructor, I’ve found the wisdom it contains for understanding and relating to the challenges unique to women to be especially helpful; as a husband and father, I’m pleased to now have a resource for defensive Mindset formation, Training/Ability development, and Gun/Gear selection to pass to those women who I care about.
But most importantly: as an educator and curriculum developer with over 60,000 firearms students nationwide, I am pleased to have a resource that I can recommend without reservation for all female members of my audience, and those men who are in positions to relate to them. It is my hope that all women who invest in my ‘Complete Concealed Carry Guide to Effective Self-Defense’ will also make the educational investment in ‘The Modern Lady’s Guide to Armed Self-Defense’. With these two programs in hand and in mind, I would trust any man or woman to make sound education and training decisions/actions on all aspects of armed self-defense.
– Patrick Kilchermann
A Special Offer for You Alumni of Concealed Carry University
CCU Founder Patrick Kilchermann played an important role in the development of The Modern Lady’s Guide to Armed Self-Defense, acting in an advisory role to ensure that the content and flow of the program was crafted to CCU specifications. He had one aim in this: to make sure that a resource existed which he could recommend as a companion-piece to his Complete Concealed Carry Guide to Effective Self-Defense for his female students.
He was a big help in this regard, and he had only one request: that for a time, I make The Modern Lady’s Guide to Armed Self-Defense available to CCU Alumni at a special, discounted price – something affordable that would make it a ‘no brainer’ for those who needed what it has to offer.
Therefore, I am offering this program to CCU Alumni through the CCU site for only $37.